Smallest of Smiles
by starvingstudent
Summary: She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment of her decision, but at the present time, Kate Austin wanted nothing more than to be Kate Shepard.
1. Finally

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"You have a visitor."

She was jolted out of her thoughts by the guard's words. She sighed inwardly, trying to suppress the fleeting shots of hope at the sounds of his words.

The first time she had heard those words had been four days earlier. And she had quietly allowed herself to be handcuffed and led to the visitor's area; a white-washed room with panels of glass and telephones. Her expectation of seeing him had been so high that she hadn't even considered the possibility that it may not be him, but when she was seated in the hard plastic chair, her expectant eyes had come to rest upon a stranger. She had been devastated. It had already been six days. If he hadn't come yet, was he ever going to? She had known that she shouldn't get involved, she had learned early in life not to trust men. But, he had slowly broken through all the layers she had built up around her, and against all her better instincts and mindsets, she had given in, allowed herself to be happy, to feel safe and loved, a new experience for her. She finally admitted to herself that she craved human contact and acceptance, to feel a part of a community. And with his patience, she had allowed for all of this to happen. She was accepted for who she was by everyone and over time, she was slowly able to allow herself to trust him, something she swore to herself a long time ago that she would never do. She allowed herself to believe that the fairy tales and the urban legends could be right: that there may actually exist a good man.

_Figures,_ she thought to herself. For now, only ten days back in the 'real world' and he was nowhere to be seen. She stood up, turning her back to the door, her arms behind her. She was already well accustomed to the procedure. The guard cautiously entered the cell and handcuffed her wrists behind her back.

The other inmates sneered at her as she made the walk down the hall, just as they did every time she made the walk. She was aware that they were most likely jealous of the number of visitors she had, but they weren't aware that she would give up every one of them in a heart beat for one particular man to visit her. Or even for the concrete knowledge that he would not, so she could stop getting her hopes up. All the knowledge she held about her situation and reality and men told her not to expect anything from him, but she couldn't seem to throw away that last ray of hope, no matter how small it had become. It was what kept her going, what made her go and see every visitor; just to make sure it wasn't him.

But it had been ten days since she had seen him, and she was coming to the conclusion that he would no longer be a part of her life. Not that she could blame him. It was different back in the real world. He was smack in the middle of his fifteen minutes of fame. She had seen the pictures of him in the newspapers. _'The brave doctor who led the survivors of flight 815.'_ Apparently he was now a very eligible bachelor. One particular picture stood out in her mind; that of a woman at a press conference. She was holding a sign that read 'Jack, will you marry me.' Why would he want her anymore? It had been slim pickings on the island, she mused. She had just been a diversion to pass time. And she hated herself for falling for that, for allowing herself to be so vulnerable. For allowing herself to believe he had really loved _her_.

Of course her story had leaked out as well, and she had seen her own picture in the newspaper. One of the captions had been a family asking why their son had died and she had lived, almost as if they were blaming her for the death of their son. She hadn't asked to survive the crash. She wished now she could have traded places with the boy. One article, even though she was pretty sure it had been the tabloids, had gone so far as to say she had devised some kind of escape plan that had involved taking down the plane. Like that was even feasible, one person in a plane in handcuffs who didn't leave her seat. Regardless of where the information came from, it had sent a steady flow of reporters into the prison to interview her. They all wanted her story. She barely said a word to any of them. Only denying the theory of her crashing the plane. She had always been too disappointed to say much.

She knew she shouldn't get her hopes up, knew she should tell the guards she didn't want any more visitors, but she was still struggling to diminish that last ray of hope that he just might come, that there was a good reason he hadn't been in contact yet. She couldn't stop herself from feeling that small jolt of anticipation every time she heard she had a visitor.

The group made their way down the bridge from the ship, onto solid ground once more, but for the first time in over two years, the land was populated, was full of people, of buildings and all the modern conveniences that they had lived without for so long. Overall, the mood was joyful and excited, most ecstatic to finally be home, some were anxious about what they would find when they got 'home', and for one, the mood was terrifying.

Kate had known from day one what would happen if they were ever rescued. She would be taken into custody and locked away, but years on the island without the constant fear of confinement had worked at quelling the fear. She had actually let herself forget at times that she was wanted. She had actually allowed herself to feel normal. She had forgotten that just because the small community she had been living in had accepted her, didn't mean anyone else would. She had even caught herself smiling as the rescue team led them all safely onto the boat, his presence beside her the entire time.

_Her anxiety and fear had grown almost out of control during the long, three day trip back to Australia. He had done what he could to cease her fears, had comforted her, voiced his love and loyalty to her and promised they would face it together. They would hire a lawyer and re-open the case. They would fight until her name was cleared. But on day three all her greatest fears had come true. _

_While stepping off the bridge, she was intercepted by two men in uniform. It was then that she had known. They weren't going to give her a chance to fight anything. She had not struggled physically or verbally as her hand was pulled from his and the cuffs she had been without for so long had been re-fastened to her wrists. She was vaguely aware of his protests, as she was loaded into the backseat. She had looked out as the car began to pull away, just long enough to make contact with his eyes through the meshed window of the government vehicle. That had been the last time she had seen him._

_She was kept in a holding cell all alone for the next two nights, before being escorted to the States early on the third morning. The plane ride had been terrifying. She had tried to fight when they were loading the plane, but she was no match to the two marshals acting as her escorts. She had been anxious and on guard the entire ride, being constantly aware that her heart rate was well above normal. Although the ride was relatively calm, she had to suppress a scream when the plane suddenly hit an air pocket about half way through the ride. The marshals seemed to think her actions were entertaining. They laughed at her panic stricken face, but she had closed her eyes and blocked them out, silently counting to five in her head._

_That night she had been placed in another holding cell before being transferred to a high security prison she was now forced to call home, and for who knew how much longer. _

The pressure on her arms signaled her to stop as the guard punched in the key to the secure door. She was led inside, and seated at an empty window. She wasn't surprised, as she was usually the first one to arrive. The guard uncuffed her right hand, so she could hold the phone, and re-cuffed her left hand to the table, so she couldn't get away. Which was absurd, she thought, because there was no way out of this room without a code and even then it was only deeper into the secured area.

She sighed and rested her head on her hands, preparing herself for a wait. One reported had arrived nearly twenty minutes after her.

She heared a quiet tap on the glass and opened her eyes, only to find them immediately locked with those of the man she never expected to see again. All she could do was stare at him until he motioned for her to pick up the phone.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she almost whispered, feeling her breath hitch.

"Are they treating you okay?" He asked, concerned.

All she could do was nod.

He took a quick breath, looking as if he was fighting off tears for a moment himself. "I missed you," it was short and simple, but to Kate it conveyed everything she had been feeling for the past ten days.

She remained silent, eyes clenched shut, refusing to allow the tears to come.

"Please, Kate, please look at me."

She did and saw sadness and love and helplessness mixed with the tears that were now forming in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I couldn't find you. It took almost a week for them to tell me that you were no longer in Australia. I flew here as soon as I could and finally managed to find out where you were. I got here as soon as I could. I'm so sorry you've been alone so far." He paused for a moment, taking a shaky breath, his expression portraying his feelings, the helplessness of not being able to find her, the relief at finally having done so. "Are you doing okay?" He asked. "Are you sure you're being treated okay?"

Kate could again, only manage a nod. If you consider okay as meaning no one treating you like a person, being laughed at for a very valid fear and being handled a little rougher than she would have liked to, then yes she was fine.

"Kate," he said softly, "please talk to me."

It was then that she felt the tears come. She couldn't hold back the damn any longer. She felt ashamed of herself for crying, but one look in his eyes and she knew it was okay. He had seen her cry before; he had been the only person to do so for the entirety of her adult like.

He remained silent, allowing her to collect her thoughts.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she finally managed.

Jack swore he felt this heart break with those words. He had spent the last ten days frantically trying to find her, knowing she would be losing hope, but he hadn't thought she had so little faith in him, but as he looked into her eyes, reading her like no one else had ever been able to, he realized he was wrong. It wasn't about her faith in him. It was about her faith in everything. She had none left. Years ago she had lost faith in family, then quickly after she lost faith in people in general. Then, some time over the years she spent on the run, she lost faith in herself. Jack was almost taken aback at what he saw. This was a level of Kate he had not anticipated, one he had not ever expected. This was the Kate that the world had left behind. She didn't deserve any of this. She deserved to feel happy and loved and safe. He had long ago promised himself that he would help to make her feel that way, but now he felt like he had failed her. He mentally made a new promise to himself that he would restore her faith in the world, that he would see her laugh again, see her happy once more.

"Kate," he started, glancing at his watch. He knew he didn't have much time. "I-look at me." It wasn't an order, but a plea. He gazed directly into her tear-stained eyes as he continued. "I will never give up on you, okay? I promise." He reached his left hand up to touch the glass between them.

"We're going to find a way to fix this, okay? We're going to get you out of here. I don't want to spend the rest of my life without you, Kate. Hell, if it were up to me I wouldn't spend another day of the rest of my life without you. I love you."

Resting the phone on her shoulder, she reached forward her right hand, touching the glass where his hand still rested. She looked into his eyes. "I love you, too," she whispered, and even offered him the smallest of smiles.

He knew what the smile was. It was to convince both him and herself that things might be okay. He knew she didn't really believe that, but he was determined he was going to make it happen. Even though he recognized the falsity of the smile, he felt his heart swell at the bravery of the woman he loved. She was the strongest person he had ever known, and he knew that even though she had let him see deeper into her than she had anyone else, there was still a lot more to her than visible on the surface. But that was okay, because he knew he would get there eventually. She was more than worth waiting for.

The guard announced that their time was up and pulled Kate's right hand away from the glass to re-cuff it to her left one.

"I'll be back tomorrow," he said, before the guard replaced the phone in the cradle.

Kate gave a small nod, and for a second an almost undetectable smile, to him as she stood up. And before she was led away, she turned her head to him and mouthed, "thank-you."

**_AN: So, what did you think? I want to make sure I have the characters right before I continue too far, although the next chapter should be up soon. Does anyone know what kind of visitors area they have in a high security prison? I was going to say medium security, but I didn't know if they exist? Anyone out there an expert of the criminal justice system? Lol._**


	2. The Big Rescue

Jack continued to sit there for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. He hated seeing her like that; so alone. She was re-building the walls that had begun to come down during the years on the island. He felt so frustrated, knowing he couldn't just take her away from this place. She deserved so much better than this, but there was nothing he could do.

_BANG! _

He slammed his fist angrily onto the table in front of him, earning himself a glare from the security guard. Jack resisted the urge to glare back and sighed. He got to his feet and slowly headed back out to his car. He drove back out to the hotel in silence, his thoughts on her, on the day their life had changed so much.

--

Jack awoke sometime during the early hours of the morning. He opened his eyes, slightly confused by his awakeness, before becoming aware of the movement within his arms. Jack had always been a deep sleeper, not responding to anything or anyone, but after almost two years with her, his body reacted out of instinct. If she moved or made a noise he noticed. He pulled his arm away from he middle and gently shook her shoulder.

_"Kate," he whispered. "Wake up, your having a bad dream."_

_"No," she muttered, still asleep. "No, please, no. I didn't do it. No. Please don't take me away." Jack pulled away so that she was flat on her back and shook her a little harder._

_"No. No." Tears had begun to fall down her cheeks. _

_"Kate, its okay. Wake up, sweetie." He cupped his hand around the side of her face. Suddenly she jerked awake, flying up into a sitting position. He sat up to meet her._

_"You okay?" He asked quietly._

_She nodded, her breathing returning to normal._

_He wrapped an arm gently around her for support and used his other hand to wipe the tears off her face. She put a hand up to meet his and was surprised at the dampness. She wasn't one to cry._

_"That musta been one hell of a dream," Jack joked._

_She allowed a short laugh. "Yeah, it must have been."_

_"Don't remember it?"_

_She shook her head. "No, I just remember feeling…" She trailed off, trying to find the right work. Jack waited patiently, knowing she would share with him. "I don't know, afraid and…helpless." She shivered, pulling closer to him for comfort. Jack allowed himself a small smile, knowing just how hard it had been for her to learn to accept comfort, to allow herself to be vulnerable in front of another person. He lay back down, gently pulling her to rest on his chest. _

_"Don't worry Kate, I won't let the monsters get you."_

_This time she laughed for real, burying her face in his chest, trying to muffle the sound so she didn't wake anyone else. Jack even smiled, happy that he had made her laugh. He loved her laugh. After a moment she looked up. "Sorry to wake you."_

_Jack shrugged and offered a cheeky smile. "It's my job," he said._

_She smiled, one of those real, one-of-a-kind smiles that made his heart leap, one of those smiles that he knew he was the only one who ever got to see. _

_She planted a kiss on his cheek before laying her head back down on his chest. It wasn't long until they were both asleep. _

_It couldn't have been more than two hours later when he found himself disoriented for the second time that night. He immediately noticed the weight on his chest was gone. Blinking his eyes into focus, he recognized her form sitting beside him, facing away._

_He reached out to touch her back, feeling her jump as he slowly sat up, moving himself to sit beside her, leaving his hand on her back. He stayed silent, knowing she would talk when she was ready._

_"Sorry," she said. "I tried not to wake you."_

_Jack shook his head. "That's okay. You should wake me. That's what I'm here for."_

_Kate gave a short nod. "Thanks," she said, before taking a deep breath._

_"Did you have another dream?"_

_Kate shook her head. "I don't think so. I just woke up and my heart was going double time."_

_Jack reached a hand up to her neck; even in the dark his fingers knew exactly where to land. He was silent for a few seconds, then, "your pulse is racing."_

_Kate snorted. "Yeah, you're telling me."_

_Jack wrapped his arms tightly around her, and planted a kiss on her temple. "So, what's going on?"_

_Kate opened her mouth and struggled for a few seconds. "I just have a bad feeling."_

_"You think something bad is going to happen?"_

_"I'm not sure. I just feel…anxious or something."_

_Jack's forehead creased. "Well, that's not good."_

_Kate put a hand on his chest. "Don't worry, maybe I did have another dream or something. I'm sure I'll be fine."_

_Jack offered a smile. "Hey, I'm allowed to worry, right?"_

_Kate looked him right in the eye, biting her lip, before slowly nodding her head. It was the look that reminded him of the past that he wished he could take away from her, of the trust she had yet to develop. He promised himself that one day she would be able to trust him completely, that she would be able to trust the world again. He had no idea the hurdle that was about to be put right in front of that promise. _

_They had been in the jungle picking fruit, Kate high up in a tree dropping her find down to Jack, when Charlie's voice had filtered into their clearing._

_"Jack! Kate!" Jack heard a voice through the forest. From his experience, hearing his voice being screamed through the forest usually didn't yield anything good. He stood a step forward, tilting his head trying to situate the source of the sound. He shouldn't have moved as he narrowly missed taking a papaya to the head._

_"Hey!" He yelled up at Kate._

_"Don't hey me." She countered. "It's not my fault you moved."_

_"I think I hear something."_

_"Jack! Kate!" He heard again, recognizing Charlie's voice. _

_"Charlie!" Jack yelled. "We're over here."_

_Charlie suddenly burst through the clearing out of breath. "There you are. I've been looking all over the bloody jungle for you."_

_"Well, we've been here," Jack said._

_"Where is Kate, anyway?" Asked Charlie, looking around, a suspicion in his voice. Jack knew it came from him having caught he and Kate in the jungle more than once. _

_Jack glared at Charlie and pointed a finger upwards._

_Charlie followed Jack's direction. He smiled and waved up at Kate. "Oh, hi Kate! How are you doing on this beautiful morning?"_

_"What do you need Charlie?"_

_Charlie gave him a grin that had Cheswire Cat written all over it. "You'll never guess."_

_Jack sighed and allowed himself a smile at Charlie's childishness. He certainly was a breath of fresh air compared to the seriousness that was often adopted on the island._

_"What is it Charlie?"_

_"No, you have to guess?"_

_Jack rolled his eyes._

_"What's going on?" Kate yelled down from her perch high above them._

_"Kate! What are you still doing up there? Get your bloody ass down here." Charlie yelled up._

_"I can't, Charlie. There's still lots of fruit up here."_

_"You don't need it."_

_Now it was Kate's turn to roll her eyes. "Not if you want to starve."_

_Charlie shook his head. "You don't need it." He repeated. "There'll be food on the rescue boat."_

_"The what!" Jack exclaimed._

_"Oh, bloody hell," Charlie muttered. "I wanted you to guess."_

_Jack shook his head and gave Charlie a pointed look. "Explain."_

_Charlie smiled. "We've been rescued. Or we're being rescued. Which one is it? Cause we're not off this god-forsaken-excuse-of-an island yet, but we will be soon and the rescue guys are here, so…"_

_"Charlie!" Jack said, stopping the rambling. Sometimes he swore there was a small ADD child buried somewhere in Charlie._

_"Sorry Jack, I guess it doesn't really matter which is right. Anyway…"They were cut off by a small scream from Kate as she took a misstep in her hurry to get down the tree. She slipped off her branch and managed to grab another on the way down. She had swung around and was now hanging, her feet about four feet off the ground. _

_"Jesus, Kate," Jack muttered as he rushed over to help her. "Please don't kill yourself." He wrapped his arms around her legs, as high up as he could reach and slowly lowered her down until her feet were on the ground._

_"You okay?" He asked._

_Kate blushed slightly. "Yup, sorry, I was going too fast."_

_Jack shook his head and turned back to Charlie. _

_"Sayid and Shannon went down to the beach thins morning and suddenly Shannon comes screaming back into camp, yelling about a helicopter. Apparently it landed on the beach and it was the bloody US army! They're out on a ship about a mile from here. They saw the island and decided to do a fly over and investigate. They saw the SOS on the beach and landed right as Sayid and Shannon came out of the jungle. And now we get to go home!"_

_"Wow," Jack said. He had long since accepted the fact that they might be on this island for the rest of their lives. He felt Kate's hand enter his and he squeezed it tightly. "Wow," he repeated, turning to face her. Her face was a mix of emotions, but it wasn't until they were back at the caves, packing up their stuff that he realized how scary this must be for her. _

_It had taken only a few minutes for them to pack their few belongings, and they were headed down the path to the beach when he looked over to see tears forming in Kate's eyes. He stopped and turned to face her._

_"Hey," he said softly. "What's wrong?"_

_Kate tried to smile. "I'm scared, Jack."_

_He was about to ask why when he realized. "Oh, Kate," he said. "I'm sorry. I didn't think. I forgot that you…I'm sorry. I didn't think."_

_"It's okay," Kate said, shrugging her shoulders and not meeting his eyes. _

_"No, its not okay, Kate. This must be terrifying for you." He pulled her into a tight hug. "I promise you we're going to figure it out, okay? Together. We're going to prove that you're innocent."_

_Kate only nodded against his chest as she collected herself. _

_"We're going to have a good life, Kate," he said. "We're going to be happy and free, okay?"_

_Again she nodded, this time pulling away, gazing directly into his eyes. He quickly closed the distance between them and kissed her, hard. He felt her arms wrap up, around his neck as he used his arms to pull her in close. _

_"Hey, break it up you two," Charlie said, appearing behind them, two-year-old Aaron in his arms and Claire by his side. "They'll be plenty of time for that later."_

_Jack laughed and wrapped an arm around the now smiling Kate. "Anyone still at the caves?"_

_Claire shook her head. "Nope, we're the last ones."_

_"Good."_

_Once they arrived at the beach they were met with the sight of a large army helicopter, its propellers swinging aimlessly about it. Beside it stood two men in uniform and a very relieved looking Hurley._

_"It's about time," Hurley said, shaking his head and clucking his tongue. "We were thinking about leaving without you," he joked._

_"Sorry, man," said Charlie. "I had trouble finding these two love birds in the jungle."_

_"Charlie!" Kate exclaimed, blushing. "We were picking fruit."_

_"Oh, is that what you're calling it now?"_

_Even Jack blushed now, as Kate reached over and smacked him on the back of his head._

_"Dude," Hurley said, looking at Jack, "control you woman." He joked, earning himself a glare from Kate and a laugh from Jack as he put a calming arm around Kate's shoulder, preventing her from stepping towards Hurley._

_"She hit me," Charlie said, making a face for Aaron's benefit. _

_"Hit." Aaron said, excitedly. "Hit." The toddler had been talking for a few short months now, and had recently taken to repeating words that were spoken to him. "Hit," Aaron continued, laughing._

_"Well, I'm glad someone thinks its funny," Charlie muttered._

_"Give it a rest, Charlie," Claire said, taking his hand. "You know you deserved it."_

_"Is this everyone?" One of the officers asked._

_"I believe so," Hurley said, checking something off on a clipboard in his hands. Jack recognized the sheets as the original census. "I've checked everyone off as they boarded the helicopters. We're all that's left."_

_"Smart idea," Jack said. "Well, shall we?" He motioned at the helicopter._

_"Dude," said Hurley. "Just take a moment before you go. Say goodbye."_

_They all turned to stare at the island for a few moments. The island had seemed like a hell on earth to them all at first, but had ended up saving them all. There were a few sniffles, as Jack felt Kate move closer to him. He automatically wrapped Kate tightly into his arms. He felt her sigh. He found himself suddenly aware of just how much their lives were about to change. Aside from Kate's problem with the law, there was the whole concept of living in the 'real world' again. He placed a kiss on her temple, and closed her eyes for a moment, wishing he never had to let her go._

AN: Sorry about the delay. I though I could get it up before turkey day, but ran out of time. Sorry that it didn't stay in the present much, but the next chapter will. Let me know if I seem off character at all. Thanks for reading.


	3. Losing Hope

Chapter #3

Jack's mind was in another place as his body drove back to the hotel. He was surprised to find himself already in the parking lot. He sighed as he turned off the ignition and stepped out, slamming the door behind him. The door of his room also took a beating as he stormed in and collapsed on his bed. He was frustrated with himself for not having found her earlier, for allowing them to take her away from him in the first place. He should have done more to stop them; he should have fought harder. He let out a ragged sigh, knowing no matter how hard he fought he would have lost her to them eventually. They did have the advantage of numbers and weapons.

Jack had lived through hell in the last ten days, not knowing where she was, not being able to be there for her. He had made a promise to her that he would always be there, a promise that had taken some time for her to believe, but there she was, sitting in a prison cell all alone, broken. He had never expected it to turn out this way. Any time his thoughts had touched on rescue, he imagined calmly explaining the situation, getting a lawyer and winning a court case. He chastised himself for not being prepared. Kate's one big mistake in life had been running. It made her look guilty. The case had been closed before ever truly being opened. He knew they would have their work cut out for them to re-open and win this case. He knew he should get out the phone book and start calling lawyers now, that he should be calling the investigators who had been in charge of her case, but he couldn't force his exhausted body to do anything more right now. Laying fully clothed on the still fully made bed, Jack fell into a troubled sleep.

_Jack grimaced as he tried to find a more comfortable position. His back was killing him, and rightly so. He had been sitting on the floor for the past two days. He was camped out as close to the office of the head of the Sydney police force as he could get. He had managed to get through the main desk, but couldn't enter the more restricted section unaccompanied. The man he was waiting for, superintendent Shaffer, was well aware of his presence. Jack had talked to him briefly the day before, but the older man had brushed him off. Jack had nodded and calmly told the man he would wait. He made sure to make eye contact with Shaffer ever time he passed by. The uniform at the front desk had taken pity on him and brought him a bottle of water, but other than that he had not eaten in almost forty-eight hours. He wasn't about to leave, though. He wouldn't leave until he had the information he had come for. _

_The ominous door to his left opened and Shaffer stepped out, motioning him to get up. He was much older than Jack, probably in his mid-sixties, with grey hair and a stern expression. "Okay, son I get the point. You are obviously not going to leave me alone. Come to my office. I'll give you ten minutes, then I'll have two of my officers escort you out of my building."_

_Jack nodded and followed his through the door. "Thank-you, Sir."_

_Shaffer led him down a hallway and into a large office at the end. "Mr. Shepard was it?"_

_Jack nodded. _

"_You mentioned something about your girlfriend getting arrested?"_

"_She was taken into federal custody. Six days ago. I need to know where she was taken."_

_Shaffer raised an eyebrow. "Federal custody, huh? And what makes you think I can help you?" He asked._

"_Because I spent four days fighting with the consulate, who told me you would know. They said this was your town and you would know where every federal convict came from and was taken to. They said you were the man to go to."_

_Shaffer allowed himself an inward grin. He was impressed with the way this man handled himself. This Mr. Shepard was obviously much younger than himself, but his eyes were much older. This man had not had an easy life. Shaffer had developed into a very good judge of character over the years, and he was impressed with this young man, very impressed. "Well, Mr. Shepard, your consulate, American I assume, was correct. Now there are correct channels to go through to obtain this information, which I assure you takes quite some time, however, you have proved to be quite determined. I assume that if I sent you away, even if I have you escorted out of the building, that you will not cease to leave me alone?"_

_Jack nodded, not breaking eye-contact. "You assume correct."_

"_As I believed. You know I have always found you Americans to be quite annoying." He joked._

_Jack smiled._

_Shaffer turned to his computer and promptly typed in a password, bringing up the screen. "What is the name of your lady friend?"_

"_Kate Austin."_

_Shaffer typed in the name and scanned down the result. "Ah, here we go, been on the run since she was a teenager, spotted outside the United States, taken into custody in Australia in September 2004. 2004? Is this some kind of joke? You told me she was arrested six days ago."_

"_Keep reading," Jack prompted him._

"_Put on plane to the states, flight 815, plane was never seen again. Was found with group of survivors in October 2006, taken into custody and put on flight for the second time. Blimey," the older man's façade slipped momentarily as understanding washed over him. He looked at Jack. "I knew you looked familiar. You've been on the front page of every damn newspaper for the passes week." He reached over and picked up a newspaper from the table beside his desk to make a point. _

_Jack nodded. "I need to know where she was taken."_

_Shaffer scrolled down. "Flight to Newark National Airport, to a holding cell in the city. She would have been transferred to somewhere more permanent soon after, but I'm afraid I don't have access to that information." _

"_She's already been taken back to the States?" Jack asked. "When?"_

"_Four days ago."_

"_Damnit!" Jack slammed his hand down on the table, all the frustration he felt boiling together. "I've spent the last week fighting with people, and she hasn't even been in the country for most of that time. Why couldn't someone just tell me that?"_

_Shaffer remained silent, knowing the younger man was not looking for a verbal answer from him. He actually felt sorry for him. _

_Jack took a shuddering breath and pulled his emotions back into check. He sighed. "I'm sorry."_

_Shaffer shook his head. "Don't worry about it, totally understandable." He passed Jack a sheet of paper, "here is the contact information for the holding cell. They should be able to tell you where she was taken, or at least direct you to someone who can." _

_Jack took the paper. "Thank-you so much for your help."_

"_My pleasure. God luck, son." Shaffer offered a hand, which Jack shook._

_Jack had promptly returned to his hotel room, called the airport and booked himself a flight. It wasn't until the plane had already taken off that he realized he was on a plane again. He took a deep breath and settled his suddenly frantic nerves, convincing himself that it was practically statistically impossible for the same person on the same flight path could be in two plane crashes in the same lifetime. He took one of the sleeping pills that the doctor on the rescue boat had prescribed. Most of the flight was spent in a deep, dreamless sleep. Upon landing, he got a rental car, and drove to the address on the sheet. It was late and the uniform at the front desk had told him to come back in the morning, and although Jack fought it at first, he eventually gave up and booked himself into a hotel room for the night. He returned early in the morning to get the same run around that he usually did, but after another sit in, he eventually got the necessary information. _

_It took him most of the day to drive to the prison, only to be told visiting hours were over and to come back the following day. Finally, after six days of fighting with people in Australia, two days of fighting in the US, one day of driving, one sleepless night of knowing she was so close and almost forty-five minutes of security checks, he had found himself sitting in front of her, holding a phone._

Kate awoke early in the morning, wincing slightly as she got up. You'd think that after two years of sleeping on the ground that she could deal with a hard, thin mattress. She stretched, trying to work out the knots and moved behind her bed to change. The cells were set up to give very little privacy. She had a twin size bed, small dresser, desk and surprisingly, a television. She had turned it on the first day she had been here, but all she could find were newscasts of the story she didn't want to hear anymore about. She had not turned it on since. All of her meal were brought to her and slid through a hole in the door. She was taken out once a day for exercise. They had slowly begun integrating her with a few select others during her time in the 'gym.' It was her understanding that newcomers have very little contact with others and are carefully tested to see where their social boundaries are. Eventually she would have meals in the food hall, and go to class and even have the option of therapy. But Kate really didn't want social contact, she didn't want to talk, she had barely said a word to any of the guards and had not even uttered a single word to any of the other inmates.

She picked at the breakfast that had been brought; she rarely had an appetite these days. She had now been living in the small ten by ten cell for almost three weeks. Jack, true to his word had been to see her every day for the past two weeks. He had found her a lawyer, who was working hard on re-opening the case. Even a few of her fellow survivors had been to see her, although she wished they hadn't. Although Hurley, Charlie and Claire and even Sawyer had believed their actions to be supportive, Kate had been devastated. It was bad enough that Jack had to see her like this, but others as well? She was ashamed of herself, of how she must look to them, of the pity in their eyes. She hated the look of helplessness she saw in his eyes every time he came to see her. He seemed so determined to clear her name, but Kate had accepted her fate. She was going to die in this building. She was never getting out. She didn't want to deal with his daily promises of hope, with the meetings with the lawyer. She was ready to give up.

"Ms. Austin, you have a visitor," the security guard standing outside her cell pulled her thought back to the present.

Kate saw Jack already sitting on the other side of the table when she was led into the stale room. She was seated and handcuffed as usual. She had to force herself to return the encouraging smile Jack produced on the other side of the thick glass. She picked up the phone.

"Hey, you sleep okay? You look tired."

Kate shrugged. "I'm okay," she really didn't feel like talking.

"Are you sure? Cause you look like something's bothering you," Jack pushed.

Kate almost laughed. Of course something was bothering her. She was in prison. Everything was bothering her. "Yeah, well…" She trailed off.

Jack understood. "You just seem really down today. You've been getting lower for the passed week, but you seem really low today."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Thanks _doctor_ for keeping tabs on me." She said sarcastically.

"Hey, that's not fair."

Kate sighed and averted his eyes, knowing he was right. She felt tears fighting their way into the back of her eyes. She knew how hard this was on him. "I'm sorry." She tentatively looked back up.

Jack sighed. "It's okay, Kate. You're living in hell right now. I get that and I understand. Just remember, we're in this together. I'm not going to give up. We're going to get you out of here."

It was then that she realized. Jack was undoubtedly an amazing man. He was understanding, loyal, heroic, famous and not too hard on the eyes either. And this amazing, wonderful man was going to spend the rest of his life in love with someone he couldn't be with. He didn't deserve that. He deserved so much better than he. Kate couldn't let that happen.

"Jack," she started.

"Kate, don't," he said, immediately recognizing her tone.

"Jack," she repeated. "You have to stop. This is killing you. You need to fix things, but you can't fix this. I'm not going to get out and we're not going to live happily ever after. We both know this. Now, God knows how much I love you, but we can't keep going like this."

"Yes, we can."

"No. No, we can't. Give it up, Jack. It's over."

"No, its not."

"Yes, it is. We can't be together, Jack. I need for you to leave this place today, call the lawyer and tell him to stop and then move on with you life. You're a great man Jack. Go and live you life to the fullest. Please don't come back." Kate felt her hand shaking. She had to get out of there soon or he was going to see her cry and she knew he'd never leave her while she was crying. She did her best to look neutral as she went to hang up the phone.

"Don't you dare," came the voice from the other end.

**_AN: So sorry for the really long delay. I kind of momentarily lost interest in the show, but it's coming back. Again, I don't know much about the criminal justice system, so if you do and I have anything wrong, please let me know. Thanks for reading, and to everyone who has reviewed. Oh, and to FanOfLOST, I totally agree about the whole 'sweetie' thing. I actually spent like 5 whole minutes debating that. I knew it was out of character, but I really wanted him to call her something that wasn't Kate, and I thought Katie was out cause it doesn't sound right and I think that was what her mom called her. So I was left with pet names, and I don't see Jack as a 'babe' kind of guy. So I thought 'sweetie' seemed kind of neutral. What do you think he would call her? If anyone who is still reading this far has any ideas on matter, I'd love to hear them. Anyway, hopefully I will update again soon. _**


	4. A Promise

Chapter 4

"Don't you dare."

The emotion behind Jack's words was enough to make Kate hesitate, the phone still to her ear. She hesitantly looked back up, back into his eyes, unable to say anymore.

"Don't you dare," he repeated, the same forcefulness behind his words. "I know how hard this is on you Kate. I get it, but I'm not going to let you do this, I'm not letting you off the hook that easily. You made me a promise."

Kate didn't have to ask what promise he was talking about, one look into his eyes and she knew exactly what he meant. The promise she had made back when she believed it to be possible. "Jack," she began, struggling to prevent the tears from falling, but they were already welling in her eyes. She shook her head, unable to continue.

"This is going to work out, Kate. I know it is. We've been through too much together to lose everything this way. I have absolutely no plans to spend the rest of my life without you." Jack shook his head, his face red, the emotion getting to him. He too had tears beginning to well behind his eyes. "I love you, Kate, okay? I love you. Do not attempt to tell me my life would be better without you in it because we both know that's not true. You saved me on that island, Kate. You showed me what it was like to have a life, what it was like to be a partner, what it was like to feel so strongly for another person. Before I got on that plane I felt numb inside. Now I feel alive, and so much of that is due to you. You are an amazing person, Kate. When I look at you, when I think of us, I see a future. A long, happy future. I want to marry you, Kate."

Kate's resolve broke at this point, the reserve of tears came flowing down her cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. She found herself unable to break the contact her eyes held with his.

_It was a cool night; most of the camp had crowded around the fire for warmth. They had been on the island for a year and a half now, and had developed into a very strong knit community. The evening had been spent telling stories and even attempting to sing a few campfire songs, but no one could remember all the words. They had had fun substituting what ever they could think of and making up new verses, much to Charlie's horror. He protested the 'desecration' of these infamous songs, as he called them. Claire had laughed and snuggled closer to him, passing Aaron to sit in his father's lap. Although he had been born into such unique circumstance, Aaron was grown to be a very well adapted child. He allowed himself to be passed happily into any waiting arms or lap and laughed and clapped joyfully during evening such as these. He had been walking on his own for months now, keeping Claire and Charlie on their toes and they had hopes of hearing his first words soon. _

_Walt, now twelve, had coaxed most of the remaining group into a game of football. He had spent weeks trying to make the best football he could with the limited resources available to him. The first model had been made of wood that he had meticulously carved, even including laces on the side. However, the football got wet once, morphed slightly and promptly rotted and fell apart. Walt had accepted his defeat and moved on. The second model had been made of rock, much smaller than regulation size due to its excess weight, but it had seemed like a good idea. It wouldn't fall apart, could stand up to all weather and amazingly, flew quite accurately, until it flew a little to accurately and Hurley took a blow to the head. Michael confiscated it immediately. After many more failed attempts, Walt had managed to stuff a combination of small stones, sand and scrap material into a few larger scraps of tarp that he, with some help, had sewn together. It was far from regulation, but worked perfectly for them. _

_Jack and Kate had played in the first game, girls against guys, where the girls, of course, beat the guys: Six to one. They had declined playing in the next game and retired back to the fire, collapsing down together, enjoying a rare few moments alone. _

"_I still maintain that you girls cheat," Jack said, smirking. "There's no way you could beat us every time."_

_Kate laughed, used to this. "How are we the cheaters? Charlie grabbed Shannon and used her as a shield so he wouldn't get tackled!"_

_Jack nodded. "And then she grabbed the ball from him, pushed him down and scored a touchdown."_

_Kate shook her head, still laughing. "You boys just don't like it when your pride gets hurt cause you lose to a bunch of girls."_

_Jack shrugged. "What you say may be true, but…" He didn't get to finish as Kate's lips suddenly slammed against his. He smiled inwardly; this was the way many of their play arguments were ended. It was a very effective way to get the other to stop talking. She pulled away a few moments later, rolling her eyes as she settled her self into his arms. Jack smiled as he felt her breath contentedly. He never took these moments for granted. It had taken quite some time for her to be so relaxed with him, especially when there were other people around. He stayed silent, tightening his arms around her as he marveled in their closeness. He couldn't think of a better way to spend an evening. It was a beautiful night; the sky was clear, the moon's dim light causing the beach to glow. _

_Jack pulled back slightly, gazing at Kate's face, into her eyes. He loved the way the firelight played off of her face, highlighted her hair and made her eyes sparkle. He smiled as he reached a hand up to brush a strand of her hair out of her face. _

"_What?" Kate asked, somewhat intimidated by the volumes being said behind his eyes. She was still getting used to the whole 'good man' thing. Trust and love and comfort were still relatively knew concepts for her, and although she knew Jack loved her and was letting her set the pace, she occasionally found her self momentarily overwhelmed. But all it took was one look into his eyes to know his intentions were nothing short of good, and one deep breath on her end to remind herself that the benefits of this greatly outweighed the slight loss of independence._

_Jack tilted his head slightly, narrowing his eyes. "I still think you guys cheated," he said lightly. He recognized the look in her eyes and instinctively knew to lighten the mood, at least temporarily. _

_Kate laughed, completely uninhibited. "What am I going to do with you?" She asked jokingly._

_Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, I could think of a few things." This earned him a smack on the back of the head. "Ow," he muttered as he struggled to grab the arm that hit him before it happened again, but Kate was too quick for him and had pulled herself away enough so that her arm was out of his reach. Jack didn't hesitate as to tickle her in exactly the right spot on her side. Her arms immediately came to stop him, allowing him to gain control of the situation._

_Kate suddenly found herself caught, half in Jacks lap, her legs pinned between his, each of her arms in one of his hands. She started laughing as she tried in vain to pull her arms out of his grasp. The knowledge that two years ago this kind of contact with a man would have been terrifying wasn't lost on her. Hell, two years ago the thought of being with a man who had the ability to out play her physically would have horrified her. She was strong and fast and prided herself on it, but her small size played to her disadvantage; in a fair fight, she was no match to Jack in size or weight. But this situation wasn't remotely frightening to her. She knew Jack would never take use his size to his advantage in any way that would hurt her. He really was one of those 'good men' she had thought to be urban legend._

"_Okay, truce!" Kate ceased her struggle, her arms becoming still in his hands. "I give up."_

_Jack nodded and released her. "Good," he said, pulling her close again, drawing warmth from her. He loved these cooler nights, because she would always draw closer to him. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Kate wrapped happily in his arms, her head resting against his shoulder, and Jack holding her close, his head resting gently on hers. He eventually turned his head and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. "I love you," he whispered. _

_Kate turned her head, a tentative smile on her face. It had been a few short months since those words had been voiced for the first time, and she still felt a jolt of electricity every time she heard them. Jack was the only person she could ever remember saying those words to her. "I love you, too," she returned. _

_Jack smiled and leaned down, his lips gently covering hers, the kiss filled more with emotion than anything else. When they pulled away, Jack kept contact with her eyes, searching them. He didn't see any sign of fear or hesitation behind them. "I want to spend my life with you," he said gently. Kate gasped and pulled away in his arms. He allowed her some space, but kept his arms locked behind her back. He knew her enough to know exactly how much space to giver her, both physically and emotionally. She seemed momentarily unable to say anything. He offered a small smile. "I love you, Kate," he repeated. "And I love the way I feel around you. I feel alive again, or really for the first time. I can't imagine my future without you."_

_Kate could feel her heart thudding against her chest. This was both the best moment of her life, and one of the scariest. Looking into the eyes of the man in front of her, feeling his arms securely behind her, she knew she wanted exactly what he wanted, and it terrified her. She swallowed, her throat suddenly feeling very small and very dry. "Kate?" She heard him prompt gently. She nodded slightly, aware of the tears welling in her eyes. He reached a hand from around her and moved to stop them from falling down her cheeks. His gaze never faltered. _

_She took a deep breath, collecting herself, and slowly squared her shoulders and met his eyes. "I feel the same way," she whispered, her nerves shaking. Jack smiled, closing his arms and pulling her closer._

"_You're shaking."_

_Kate laughed and shrugged._

_Jack shook his head. "Why?"_

"_Cause I'm scared," she said simply. He was the only person to whom she had ever admitted being afraid. _

"_Of what?" His voice was gentle, full of concern as he tried to understand._

_Kate shrugged. "Of everything. Of this, of you, of myself, of commitment, of the future."_

_Jack took a moment, processing her words, trying to ascertain their true meanings. "I would never hurt you, Kate," he whispered, meaning it in every means possible, knowing she understood him._

"_I know," Kate said honestly, "but it doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about things. That's what I do, Jack. I'm getting better, and hopefully one day I won't have the fear, but right now I wake up every day and have to convince myself that today's not the day you're going to leave me."_

_Jack felt his heart lurch at her words. "That's never going to happen," he promised. _

_Kate nodded. "I'm starting to accept that more and more, it's just going to take time. One day I'll be the woman you deserve," she tried to joke._

_Jack shook his head. "You're already far more than I'll ever deserve. Marry me," he said quietly, no forcefulness to his words. _

_Kate was taken aback. "What?" she whispered. _

"_Marry me," he repeated. "I know that doesn't mean much here, but if we ever get off this island, will you marry me?"_

_Kate knew she should be scared, but her rapidly beating heart was a result of happiness and excitement, rather than fear. The moonlight was almost magical. It made her feel like a better person, a braver, more whole person. She nodded her head as she whispered, "yes."_

_Jack's face broke out into a huge smile and he pulled her close and kissed her happily. She wrapped her arms up, around his neck as she returned the kiss. When they finally pulled away, both gasping for air, Jack rested his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry I don't have a ring. They're kind of hard to come by around here." Kate laughed. "But I promise you one when we get home."_

_Kate laughed and shook her head gently, her forehead still touching his. "I don't need a ring."_

"_But you're going to get one." Jack took a moment, eyes closed, taking in the past few minutes. "You sure this is what you want?" he asked._

_Kate nodded. _

"_You really want this? You really want to be stuck with me forever?" he asked, a twinkle in his eyes._

_Kate laughed. "I'm going to marry you the first chance I get, Jack Shepard. I promise." _

Kate closed her eyes, unable to hold the gaze any longer. She allowed the tears full access, breaking down in front of him, three weeks of doubt and frustration all boiling together.

Jack's heart welled inside his chest as he was forced to watch the woman he loved, unable to comfort her, unable to touch her. Right now he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms while she cried. He stayed mostly silent for the next few minutes, whispering the occasional comforting words into his receiver, as she clutched the other end against her ear as if it were a lifeline. She finally looked back up at him, face swollen and wet, eyes red. He knew at that moment that he was looking at Kate at her lowest, completely undefended. All of the walls were down; she wasn't even trying to hide her pain and fears from him. One look into her eyes and he knew he was the only thing standing between her and rock bottom.

The guard standing behind her motioned to him that time was almost up. Jack was aware that the guard must have taken pity on them and already extended their time. "It's going to work out," he repeated. "I love you and I'm going to marry you one day."

Kate seemed to both accept and take comfort in his words. She sat up straighter and wiped her face with her sleeve. "Sorry about that," she said, suddenly embarrassed by her breakdown. The walls were going back up.

Jack shook his head. "Don't be sorry. We've both seen each other in worse."

Kate seemed to accept this, and took a deep, shuddering breath. "Thank-you," she whispered.

Jack smiled, knowing she wasn't just thanking him for sitting through her crying. "Any time." He answered. The guard was now moving forward. "Looks like we're out of time," he said, motioning towards the guard and Kate nodded, understanding. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Kate nodded. "I love you," she told him. Jack smiled. It was rare that she said the words first.

"I love you, too."

**_AN: I hope I stayed close enough to the characters in this chapter. I think I may have gone a little too far with Jack. His character doesn't seem quite right to me, but I can't put my finger on what exactly is bugging me. Thanks to all who are still reading, oh and I finally figured out how to accept anonymous reviews, so if you haven't been able to get through, take no offense in it, I'm just pretty useless when it comes to technology. lol. Cheers!_**


	5. At the beginning

_**A/N: Sorry about the delay. I wanted to wait for the epi 'what kate did' before I wrote this chapter, however, after watching it, I couldn't seem to get my thoughts in order. I still think there still has to be more to the story. I remember in the epi where she came back home to see her mom and her old boyfriend dies, when they played the old tape she really wanted to get out of there, but in the past epi, there she is 24, and still living near home. Why did she stay? Anyway, the flashback in this chapter is going to be as close to the shows plot as I can keep it. Oh, and I'm sorry for how dense the first half of this chapter is, it gets easier further down, I just couldn't split any of this up.**_

Chapter 5

Kate felt somewhat numb as she was led back to her cell by the uniformed guard. She waited for the door to be shut before turning and sticking her hands through the special slot, allowing him to unlock the handcuffs. She unconsciously rubbed her hands over each wrist, still feeling the coldness of the metal pushing against her skin. She closed her eyes and imagined what her life could be. She tried to picture what she would be doing this exact moment if she weren't in this cell. She came up empty. The question had too many dimensions. If she wasn't in here, then obviously she wasn't a wanted criminal or she had somehow managed to escape and run once again. However, if she had run, there would be no Jack in her life. If she wasn't wanted, then she wouldn't have been on the plane in the first place, also meaning no Jack. She sighed and dropped her hands when she realized that in no other plane of existence would she and Jack be together at this moment.

When Kate had been growing up she had prided herself on her independence. She didn't need anyone; she didn't depend on anyone. No one, especially no man, was ever going to call the shots in her life. She was her own person, and she was a strong person. Eventually, she came to understand the teenage craving for human contact. She met Tom, and allowed him to know her deeper than others ever had. Over time, she had let him dangerously close to breaking down that last wall, reveling in the feeling of excitement and nervousness as only a teenager can. She laughed at him as he talked of them getting married, of her carrying their multiple children. She had actually pictured the two of them together. It may have been that she was young and naïve or that every teen pictures themselves marrying their first love, but she Kate Austin, had actually done this at some point. But even in these dreams, she was an independent person. She had a full time job, just as demanding and well paying as his, if not more so. They split all house chores evenly. They lived a balanced life, and she remained Kate Austin forever, their children having hyphenated last names, a sign of her eternal independence.

But Kate Austin had gotten hurt. She had fallen for him, and he hadn't been there to catch her when she needed it the most. The walls had gone back, in addition to the new walls that were quickly developing, each one stronger and less penetrable than the last. She became Kate Austin the fugitive, Kate Austin the wanted felon, Kate Austin the loner. She didn't need anyone but herself, and most important she didn't want anyone else in her life, at least she had managed to convince herself of this. Kate Austin had spent years on the run, living below the police radar constantly aimed at her. She had done many things she wasn't proud of to get by, but she convinced herself she had made the right decision, that running was the only option for a life. She preferred it to the life behind a set of thick steel bars.

Every so often Kate Austin would make a contact with another human being. She would create a persona for herself and go from there. The last was one she had used was a sweet college grad named Annie would wanted to see the world. She had made the mistake of trusting the kind old man she had worked for. Her brain had screamed at her to leave the night he caught her in the pantry, but the voice in her head that craved human contact and acceptance had told her it wouldn't hurt to stay one more night, to say goodbye and leave on a good note. She had made the mistake trusting that little voice and it had landed her in handcuffs.

Then fate stepped in and Kate Austin landed on an island with forty-seven others. They were all as different as different could be, but for two things in common: they had survived a plane crash and they all had some dark shadow in their past they had yet to work out. And try as she might, Kate Austin was unable not to form attachments to these people, to form bonds of friendship, and with one man in particular, a bond stronger than she could have expected. And slowly but surely, Kate Austin had learned new things; friendship, trust, accepting help and even asking for it, and love. The extreme level of independence she had valued above all else slowly amounted to less importance. She would never be dependent on another, it wasn't in it her to be like that, but she didn't have to do everything for herself. She could accept help. She could accept support and advice. She could tell secrets and trust they would stay secret. She could lean on another when she wasn't at her strongest and know that he wouldn't ever see her as a lesser person for it. Slowly but surely Kate Austin had changed her mindset. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment of her decision, but at the present time, Kate Austin wanted nothing more than to be Kate Shepard.

_Kate stood on the edge on the beach, her feet just beginning to disappear in the sand under her toes. She had been standing there for quite some time, only having moved once to pull her feet out when she had realized that they had sunk further then she had ever allowed them to before. She cursed herself for allowing things to go so far. Time and time again she had promised herself she would not form attachments to anyone. Attachment only ends in pain and disappointment. But here she was, alone on the beach, with only her thoughts for company. _

_Forming a bond with Jack had been too natural. She was already invested before she realized she was in danger of becoming attached and not even in a romantic way. They had simply formed a bond from the moment they met. That was her first mistake. After four years on the run, having to hide her identity from anyone she met along the way, Kate had failed. She had learned the art of quickly creating a persona and flawlessly becoming that person. She could think on her feet and fool anyone with a full life story, personality traits and attitudes, but when Jack Shepard had asked her for a name, she had given away her true identity. It hadn't even crossed her mind to tell him anything else. She had been caught in a landslide from there. She couldn't stop or even slow down their quickly developing relationship. She continually found herself forgetting to be afraid, forgetting to not allow him in. And a few of these times, she had tried to go against him, lied to him and tried to make him hate her, but he never did. _

_Why she had formed a bond with Sawyer was simple. He had even voiced it; they shared something. They had a similarity. They had similar pasts, both felt like outsiders, and, if either were ever caught and took to trial, had similar futures. She felt a closeness to him because he would let her be who she pretended to be. She wasn't sure if he could see through her or not, but she never cared to ask. He would never push. However, she had let things go too far. She had no strong feelings for him, but now believed her platonic feelings not to be reciprocated. And she knew for a fact that he was jealous of her relationship with Jack. _

_Things had been easier when Sawyer had left on the raft. Although Jack was not a confrontational man, he was threatened by Sawyer, and responded when provoked. For a few days, Kate had been able to see the Jack that existed without the constant tension of uncertainty. But then Sawyer had appeared once more, near death at that. She saw the hurt in Jack's eyes when she had taken over with Sawyer, and she had seen the way he had tried to mask it. It was then that she truly understood how he felt, and she had pulled closer to Sawyer to distance herself from Jack, and her growing feelings. Her plan backfired when her stress level had risen so high that she had let her past in. She had broken down in front of Jack, something she had never done in front of another person for almost a decade. Then she had kissed him. _

_And now she found herself standing alone on the beach, sinking in her thoughts. It didn't scare her that Sawyer was back, or that she had allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of both Jack and Sayid, or even that he had kissed her back. What scared her the most was what she had felt during the kiss. The goose bumps, the racing heart, the rush of adrenaline, and sense of letting go. Suddenly she was in way over her head. The rational part of her was screaming for her to get out of the situation, to run and avoid both men until they realized nothing was going to happen, but there was a small voice, that no matter how quiet, could be heard above the screaming. She had accepted what it was telling her, but was unsure what to do next. She knew she had to stop any advancement with Sawyer, the sooner the better. But Jack was another story. She could easily give him the same story she would give Sawyer, but she knew she would be lying to him and to herself. The other option was terrifying. It meant being open and risk getting hurt harder than she had ever experienced. She knew what could happen if she let her guard down, but she knew instinctively that she could trust him. And she knew the end result of this choice could make her a whole person again. She wanted to feel the happiness she had dreamed of as a child, of being a good person and of being with a good man._

_Kate shifted her weight and sighed, realizing she had lost herself in her thoughts once more. She tensed as she pulled her feet up, out of the sand and shook them as clean as she could. With only one backward glance at the ocean behind her, she set off for the hatch. _

_Jack nodded to himself as he checked on the sleeping Sawyer. His fever was coming down nicely, and he was sure the arrogant man would be back to his old self in a matter of days. Jack heard the door to the hatch open, but kept his back to it, assuming it was a new shift coming in to take over for Locke and Hurley. He was kneeling on the ground organizing his supplies, his back still to the door when the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He was suddenly aware he was being watched. His head spun around, his eyes immediately meeting hers. Her body language was timid and unsure, but her expression met his evenly. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but hesitated and ended up breaking contact, her gaze moving away from his. _

"_How's he doing?" She asked, her eyes settling on Sawyer's form on the bunk bed._

"_Great," Jack answered. "He should be fine in a couple of days."_

_Kate nodded. "That's good." She stopped, as if she had more to say, but was unable to voice it. Jack didn't make any move to add anything to the conversation. He had no idea where he sat with her at the moment. _

"_Can we talk?" Kate finally asked quietly. _

_Jack hesitated, not sure he really wanted to have this talk. He hadn't seen her for a whole day, and was sure it had been because she was avoiding him. he was pretty sure he knew where this was headed. He shrugged. "Talk."_

_Kate sighed and looked away. "Jack..." She started. "That's not what I meant."_

"_Well, then explain to me what you meant, because I seem to have a hard time interpreting what you mean. Take some time if you need to think about it, you must need at least a day." Jack knew he sounded like an ass, but he was so frustrated by her actions over the past couple days. _

_Kate set her jaw and looked up, right into his eyes, and squared her shoulders. "Please, Jack." It was then that he noticed the slight tremble in her frame and he sighed, feeling deflated. She always had this impact on him. _

_He nodded. "Okay." He motioned for her to follow as he led them out of the hatch and towards the beach. They didn't talk during the trip through the forest. They cut left, to a more secluded area, knowing they would have privacy. He sat down and motioned for her to take a seat beside him. _

"_So," he started. _

_She nodded, taking a moment to organize her thoughts. "I'm sorry, Jack."_

_Jack knew she was absolutely sincere and honest in her words. "For what?" He asked gently._

"_For how I've been acting, for freaking out and leaving the hatch yesterday, for leaving Sawyer like that and forgetting about the button. Then for yelling at you, and...and kissing you, and then running away and avoiding you."_

_Jack hesitated, debating his next move. "Are you sorry for the kiss, or for running away after it?" He finally asked. _

_Kate sucked in a quick breath, every nerve in her body standing on end. This was her moment of truth. She could easily lie and tell him both and all the pressure would be gone, but she couldn't do that to him. She knew he had taken the first step out onto the limb when he had voiced the question, and he was asking her to step out with him. She was all too aware that this was a defining moment, that she would look back on this in the future and either feel regret or gladness. "For running away," she finally answered._

_Jack couldn't fight the smile that found its was to his face. "Good." He said._

_Kate glanced sideways at him. "Good?" she asked._

_Jack nodded. "Good," he repeated._

_Her lips formed a small smile as she breathed a breath of relief. "Good," she nodded to herself._

"_So," he began after a few moments, breaking the silence. _

_She laughed nervously. "So," she repeated, meeting his eyes, still trembling slightly._

_Jack slowly reached a hand up to brush a stray lock of hair from her cheek. He pushed it back behind her ear, and gently cupped the side of her face. She gasped slightly at the contact, but gave no resistance as he pulled her closer to him as he leaned in. They met in the middle, the kiss soft and slow, but full of emotion. Neither got lost or pushed to deepen it and both pulled back at the same time. _

_Jack took a deep breath, his hand still on her face, his eyes reading her still uncertain ones. He could feel his heart beating strongly in his chest and he had never felt so alive before. He offered a small smile, which she reciprocated, before breaking contact and looking away._

"_Hey," he said gently. "What's the matter?"_

"_I have to tell you something," she said, looking back up._

_From the tone of her voice, Jack knew exactly what she was talking about. "Kate, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."_

_Kate shook her head, her gaze strengthening. "No, I want to tell you."_

_Jack nodded. "Okay." He had no idea what he was about to hear, but he knew that no matter what it was, his feeling for her would not change. He was far too invested already._

_Kate took a breath, and bit her lip, trying to decide where to begin._

**_AN: Okay, so I will have the next chapter start where this one left off. (Who else but me is pissed that Lost isn't on again until Jan 11th? I need some answers!)lol. Thanx for reading. _**


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